In my journaling that day, I made several lists. One for what I wanted in a date/girlfriend. One for what I thought I was bringing to the table. One for what issues I thought I had that needed fixing. The other two lists… I don’t recall. That journal is in deep archives. The nature of the lists is not as important as the fact it gave me an objective way to see myself and what I wanted.

I purposefully wrote those list as if I was someone else looking at me. How would they see me. How would they evaluate me. That slight change in perspective helped me see just how harshly critical I was being on myself. Unfairly at that.

The change in personal self view made me that much more attractive to women. Women love seeing a confident man. They’re not into cocky males or desperate males. Not saying those males don’t do well, just on average… they struggle a bit more than if they had more confidence.

Believe it or not, confidence is not just a feeling, it’s a choice. One can decided to improve their levels of confidence and take steps to get there. It’s not as easy as flipping a light switch, but it is doable. Today, I am in a much better place because of that day’s efforts.

The woman I started dating shortly there after is now my wife and mother of my wonderful children. It pays to self-date (results will vary greatly as this is not a guaranteed road map)

What should you do on your solo-date?

Be good to yourself. Put the stresses of the world on hold. Use the time to enjoy having quiet time to yourself. Be fully present in the moment. Listen to yourself. Enjoy the experience. The sounds. The way the environment responds to you and how you respond to it.

Sure, that sounds very woo-woo. However, it’s not often one has the time to just sit still and be. Life pushes and responsibilities demand. This is that one hour to just sit still and be.

The date need not be in a restaurant or involve spending cash. Sure, retail therapy is awesome and feeds a different need… but this self-date is more like self-care and self-love. Just allow yourself to reconnect with yourself.

Many people are numb to their feelings, even afraid of their feelings. They run and hide from their own truth. This self-date is the opposite. It’s getting to know yourself and liking yourself for who you are. Even if it hurts to see the truth initially. In time, as one embraces one’s truth, it is easier to connect with others in deeper more meaningful ways.

Even if the solo-date only lets you realize that you find your life to be perfect, it’s good to know that. Just like it is to find out you’re in the wrong line of work, have the wrong types of friends, belong to the wrong club, and have feelings for the wrong person. At least now you know why you feel so dead inside (if that’s the feelings you’re having) and can take steps forward to get to a better place.

If you’re so inclined, feel free to nerd out on yourself with a journal like I did. But this is not mandatory or necessary at all. What is… blocking off time to just be yourself. That is important.

How often will vary from person to person and situation to situation. I just know I don’t do it nearly enough. And I need to nerd out on my time alone to get the most of out if. However, lately, I do allow some time to do absolutely nothing and that is more valuable than doing nothing at all.

In conclusion

The best way to be the best version of yourself is to get to know yourself. Why? Because you deserve to be your best and the person you say you love deserves to have the best of you, not the left overs after a hard day’s work.

To bring your A-game to the dating field (both in preparation of and the upkeep of marriage) you have to train. That training usually takes place in the quiet moments when one can think and reflect in peace.

So. Go ahead. Set up a date with yourself. Start the journey to reconnecting with yourself. For those already well connected, keep it up so that you can stay connected.

Enjoy the journey of discovery. Stay lovingly positive about yourself and your future’s prospects.

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