There are so many songs about love that it can make a man totally sick. Of course, there are just as many breakup songs that would make a woman totally sick. But let’s not digress here. Love is a complicated business.
All the energy is spent talking about how young love is the best love. People forget, or prefer to forget, whatever, they just don’t look at the love that exists after the honeymoon phase. OK, they do, but not the same way.
Let me explains briefly.
We love love. We love the feeling of love. We love the actions of love. We love the benefits of love. We love how love feels. It’s just so lovely.
No one wants to do the work of love. OK, not exactly no one. More specifically. No one wants to do the hard work of love when the partner who gets the benefits of the work… doesn’t seem to care about the work being done.
That point when you’re trying so hard to be loving to someone who would rather avoid you like the plague. That non-sexy work that has to be done to keep a relationship afloat that feels like wasted efforts.
In the words of one lady… it’s like washing your hands clean and then toweling them dry in the mud. (Not using the exact explicit coloration of words to keep this PG13)
First of all… I be trying
What everyone wants, what everyone needs… appreciation. We all want credit for what we do. We all try. We all pitch in. We all invest. We all make an effort.
However. Be that as it may.
Sometimes, we try less and less and still want full credit.
Yeah… I’m looking at the self-righteous folks like myself who put in effort but want heightened credit. I see you… I mean.. Me.
I also see all of you who see me and are pointing at me trying to reinforce the guilt I feel as you are glad I didn’t point the finger at you as you’re trying to avoid your guilt in this mess too.
It’s human. We all do it. We all want to put in just enough and get all the benefits of having put in all.
Putting all in is great when the other is putting all in. But what happens when life gets… messy.
Like I said… I try…
Work. Bills. Credit/debt. Obligations. Responsibilities. Chores.
Yeah. They all have to be handled. Yet we want credit for those things. We all have to work. We all have to pay bills.
We… and by we… I mean all functional independent adults. Not you, the blood sucking leeches of society who are professional pariahs. No. Not you. The ones who demand service for free, or demand love without commitment, who use and abuse… no. Not talking about you.
So, if we all have those things to do, then, what credit does in fact count? Because, if we don’t figure out what counts, then we’re left with feelings of neglect, disenchantedness, and heartache.
After all, we do have to take care of the friends we have, the co-workers we’re stuck with, the neighbors we can’t easily dismiss, and the families who feel we owe them everything. Then, of course, there are the children who rightfully demand we care for them.
Sound a bit dark, trite, sad even? Nah. It’s not. It’s just that we want loving credits from our significant others for the very thing we would have done regardless. We are doing what we must to be.
But seriously though… I am trying here… they just don’t care/understand…
The single biggest killer of romance is not being romantic. We get busy. We forget. We assume. We throw back up the good old days to make up for the lack of creative current day.
Maybe, just maybe, we just need to pause and re-assess what’s important. Just maybe… just maybe… we can put in a bit more effort in keeping the love we have instead of investing in a video console that doesn’t love back.
Just maybe. As insane as it sounds… the key to love working… is the work in love that must be done. Who knew. What a concept. Just doing the work might just change the outcome.
But you see, we try all the various necessities of living and reward ourselves with the isolation of a cell-phone powered social media platform instead of looking at the one we love in the eyes and reminding them we love them.
Especially when that feeling seems to glow dimly. That’s the time to add the fuel of a reminder. It’s the time to share the reason why we’re in love. It helps both parties remember and feel wonderful that it is remembered.
Not discounting those who waited too late to make much of a difference, the rest of us need to invest just a little bit each day to build up the love reservoirs. It won’t be sexy. It won’t feel great. At first. In time, it will though. In time.
That’s the thing. Time.
We want it now. We want the glow now. We spend the time elsewhere and demand the glow right then and there.
Yet, we try, we tell ourselves.
Yeah. We do try indeed. Nothing wrong with trying. In fact, one has to keep trying. In time, one can learn through trial and error from trying… and hopefully realize it sooner than later… we need to try the right things.
Some of us only have the day to day chores as our best efforts. Not everyone is scholarly talented with words. Not everyone can word-smith a poem. (Speaking of poem, there is one poem-ish link at the end of the post)
If all you can do is keep the bills paid, don’t do so in silence and get mad that the partner doesn’t feel love from you for paying the bills.
Here is a weird idea. Let your partner know that you keep the lights on because you love them. Sure, that’s very corny. Lame actually. But, if that is all you can do, let them know. Without them knowing, they’ll just assume you don’t care about them, you only care about the bills being paid.
Start by letting them understand that out of love you took time to learn more about bill management so that you could deliver more consistent savings for the betterment of the home. You didn’t settle for basic bill auto-pay, you invested and got better so that the relationship could afford a second honeymoon in three years.
Without letting them know, they won’t know. You’ll not get any credit. And then, if they leave before the third planned year, you’ll have that money snatched away in a divorce proceedings.
This is not gloating. This is not bragging. This is just taking a step towards expressing how much you care. With practice, graduate to saying “I love you”. Before long, you’re graduating to taking your partner out on dates (yes, it’s not just the guy’s job only). And as one levels up, romance starts to bud and flourish. A relationship is saved and the loving feeling returns.
Yes, we all try. We all put in effort. We all do our best. We just need to be super smart about it so that we use the language of love the partner needs… so they know we tried and are thus inspired to try themselves a bit smarter instead of just harder.
A few ramblings that were penned that spawned the rise of this blog post… for your entertainment… as this blogger tries all the more to leave something worth reading and returning to often.
Click on the link below to read the full poetic effort… thanks.
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