Slowly Raise the Bar

Why raise the bar at all?

Coasting in romance is what has lead many to stop believing in love. Coasting in love has lead to many shipwrecks of love. It’s destroyed the security of marriage. And it’s allowed many to do untold harm to those they claim to love.

Complacency is evil in the context of love.

The current bar is such that folks fall in love for the feeling of being in love. They love feeling in love. Then, when the feeling wears out… it’s time to toss out the partner and find a new one.

Many view a relationship as the necessary inconvenience to ensure sex can happen at predictable regularity. In other words, the stats that say couples have more sex than singles kinda supports the idea. It’s not a cause and effect level connection here. However, the point is this… people are more likely to use someone to have their needs met than work on building a strong relationship that meets the needs of both.

Just look at the double standards people use in love. If the partner cheats… they should rot in hell and are horrible. But, if one is doing the cheating… the partner has to understand… it was unavoidable. They just need to be reasonable about it.

Too much ego and too much self interest at stake. Not enough team building, not enough working together.

if you’re one of those who has a great relationship and work as a team, kudos. Keep it up. And don’t slack off

The reason to raise the bar this year is this, we all can do better at love. We all can improve at love. We all can be better partners and help ours become better partners for us. We all can have longer lasting happiness.

Especially with someone we’re compatible with. Notice “the one” wasn’t used

By raising the bar of what can be, and working towards it, we are ensuring that we maintain a great relationship that serves everyone affected by it. (us, dependents, friends, family, community)

Another obvious point, people change over time. Needs change over time. If one is not constantly pushing the relationship to adjust for these changes, the relationship loses relevance and purpose. You’ve got to level up your romance to keep up with the inflationary push of life.

Motivational Monday – Romance Edition

The series started with the habit of building up romance. Slowly raising the bar means getting better at being a partner to your partner. Understanding her better. Feeling him better. Working closer better.

The new year started off with resolutions. Now it’s time to check in on these resolutions to see how they’re doing. Be honest with yourself. Have you made efforts to be a better lover, better partner, better teammate?

Then, what did you learn this month? What can you do better? What steps will you do to make your relationship better.

This is so not the time to point fingers and say… “you didn’t level up and this relationship hasn’t improved because you feel off your goals this year”

Nope. That is not the time for that conversation. Not sure when is either.

Look in the mirror. Take extreme ownership of your responsibility to your relationship. (totally aware that the ladies will have an easier time than the guys with this… based on stereotypes)

In principle, when both parties do this, the whole relationship benefits.

The reason for this introspection is simple. With a raw honest look at how your year has started, one can then make adjustments for the following month. After all, February (at the time this post goes live) is around the corner and is known as the love month in this country. Valentine’s Day anyone?

This blog likes to think that this was done on purpose. To help couples regain focus and carry on their momentum into the Spring. Most relationships tend to experience a bit of a boost in the Spring time. So, Love month helps carry through the darkness of winter (for those who live in the cold darker parts of the globe in winter)

After this assessment, place two dates on the calendar to romance your partner with… and do not count Valentine’s Day as one or both of those dates. Birthdays does not count either.

Use those dates to reconnect with your partner. Even if you’re doing well. Reconnect. It does not have to be the full day, does not have to cost money, does not require going out of the house either. Just do something romantic. If you’re at a loss of ideas… Google that!

Keep the momentum of the New Year going. Raise the bar of what feels great. Do more loving things. Do more couple things. Do more to keep love alive.

One last thing, last post was about the fabulous circle of friends that influences a relationship. Review the existing pool of friends the relationship has and the individuals in the relationship have. If there is someone that needs a bit more time… schedule it. If there is someone who has been taking too much time and their influence is not helpful… adjust for that and minimize. Be very intentional. While also tactful.

With the right support, right attitudes, and right environment, one will be better able to raise the bar of joy, love, happiness, contentment, etc in the relationship.

This Monday, be very purposeful in the intent on having an awesome week while setting up to have an awesome new coming month. Cheers to a raised bar!

 

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