In love, there is a well understood but poorly applied principle of trust. The list of which is quite long. Let’s start with a few short common phrases.
-Trust but verify
-Never trust a man fully
-Women can’t be trust for nothing
-In love, always hold something back, only trust yourself
These phrases are just a few of the many memes out there about the value of trust in others. However, few will use trust as a guide to move forward in their love. Simply because of a very simple notion… they don’t trust themselves.
Trust as a guide
Many know to trust their gut. Many understand the the value of it. Few practice it. If more did, a lot of choices would not be hastened and made poorly.
Others rather trust the input of a friend/lover/family before they trust themselves to do what is right by them. The reasons for this are plenty and quite wide ranging.
The person who takes time to build up their sense of trust in themselves will be able to ride out the uncertainties of life a whole lot better and a whole lot easier.
When you are sure and certain in your abilities to navigate life, you’re calmer about what life throws at you. One might get shaken but one is not stirred.
How does this look. If someone hurts you, and you know and trust your ability to recover, you’re not living in a state of fear about being hurt. Because you know you’ll be OK. You trust your ability to get OK.
Those who don’t trust themselves have to live in a more protective way… meaning… defensively.
These folks can not trust others to do good by them because there is always the risk of them hurting you.
News flash. People will always disappoint. That is human nature. They’re not us. They will always get some detail wrong and it will hurt.
That has not stopped humanity from having friendships, families, relationships, and connections.
In order to open up and trust, one has to be confident in one’s ability to bounce back.
The gut connection
The trust in oneself is partially the ability to listen to one’s gut. The other part is knowing that one will be OK no matter what. Sure, it may feel and look uncertain, but one has to know that in time, one will be fine.
Most readers of this blog are no longer in high school. We all know how horrible it felt to be let down by someone in class. But, today, we’ve bounced back so well we scarcely remember the infraction. (most of us anyway)
In order to have gotten to today from years ago, we had to let time pass as we continued our route. That same process is what will carry us to the distant future.
Most anxiety and stress comes from the uncertainties that preoccupy and worry the gut. When one questions the ability to learn, grow, adapt, pivot, and love again… stress and worry fill in the space.
Anyone struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, and worry knows that it feels painful and horrible.
The way forward is to trust that there is a way forward. Without that basic element of trust, there is no point of moving forward.
To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr… we don’t have to see the full staircase before taking the first step.
In time, the path will reveal itself.
In love, trust is the foundational piece. We have to trust others on a basic level to even have any interaction and relationship with them. Without a basic level of trust, even a conversation is hard to keep.
what if that person will hurt me for saying hi can lead to serious debilitating social anxieties.
If we can’t trust our partners to walk out the door and come back at the end of the day, it can be disruptive to our day to day functioning. We can’t keep tabs on everything.
But. More importantly. We need to know that even if the relationship does fail, we will be OK and we will move on. We will figure it out.
Over the course of one’s life, we’ve made lots of friends and lost lots of friends. Same with the arena of romance.
This week, as we move forward, don’t be afraid to take risk and improve one’s love. Let’s play a little less defense and go on the offensive. Not in the proactive destruction of the other… no… that’s really being defensive.
Let’s move offensively in the manner of taking risks to improve one’s romantic life. Taking risks to learn more about the one we love. Taking risks to do nice things for the ones we love.
Why? In the event things do work out, you’ve got yourself in a much better situation, one much closer to the goals you have for your romance.
In the small likelihood that things do not work out, you’ve learned that much more… and you are already trusting yourself to bounce back and be OK. So, in the long run, you’re still OK and better for it.
This week, take a bit of time to take one small risk to improve your love. It could be simply opening up more or standing up for yourself more. Trust that you’ll be OK. Grow. Push. Expand. Live. Because you’ll be just fine in the long run.
This inspired by the post of Godzdesign of Instagram
The amount we trust others, is the amount we trust ourselves to recover if they disappoint – Usha Tunnel
All sorts of yesss to this post which resonates with my most recent IG post! I am so thankful someone I appreciate shares this perspective and in turn shares the knowledge in such a basic but hard hitting way. In a nutshell we can only go deeply into people or relationships as deeply as we’ve gone into ourselves. Thank you for another amazing piece of writing. Teekay
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You’re very welcome. Thank you:) means a lot to me that a writer like you tells me that my writing is amazing. Agree…we have to have the inward facing depth to have a successful outward facing depth as well