I try…

 

Babe, just a few thoughts before I go to bed. See, you’ve been on my mind a while. Well, not just now, but since day one. Just you’re not hearing about it like old times.

You see, the life has been a bit hard. The economy has bounced back for many, but here, it feels like things just aren’t the same. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you.

Some days, we’re both just too tired. We stressed. We’ve spent our best outside on strangers, and now, all we want to do is Netflix and skip the chill.

After the dishes, the clean up of spills, the missed hints of glimpses, it’s all about the need to pay the bills

But babe, you have to understand, my heart still aches for you. Sure, you’ll got to bed before me and you’ll assume I’m just not caring, but it’s not so. I do wish we had more time to spend together, but alas, you understand, right?

Be it a matter of doing what is right or just thinking I’m super bright and can make up for the damages of our last fight, it’s quite a fright to think of how much might you’ve applied to showing me how right you were even if I’m still your knight.

I try. I really do. Hope you understand. Things are different now. Yet, I still try.

You’ve got your besties keeping you company, I gave up mine to keep you company. Yet, I try.

You’ve got your spas, salons, and that dude at the office who flames hot and lavishes you with poetry I can’t match. Yet, you don’t see how much I do try. I do, really. I do.

So, I read now this blog that I can use a calendar reminder system to get on your radar more often, because, you see, I can’t afford to pay for your divorce lawyer to break you away from me. So I will try anything to let you see that I’m trying.

I know that holding down the fort is not sexy, is not enough, is not innovative, but it counts for me trying. Those night’s you’re studying and I’m cleaning, or the nights you’re sleeping instead of studying and I’m paying the bills and figuring out the laundry. Those days didn’t count because you didn’t see them, but trust me, I am trying.

Those times I sat and listened to you vent and fume but held my tongue because you didn’t need advice… even though I had to sit patiently and quietly as you texted and called girlfriends to get the advice I was all too willing to give… to you, I didn’t try hard enough.

The many championship games I never saw because I was too busy holding you in my arms as you cried over another blond breaking hearts on a soap opera that I can’t stomach to watch… because I do try.

Sometimes good guys finish last, not from lack of trying, but it’s just the way the world passed the luck out. Some guys just have to be good even when in last place… with the eternal hope that this too will not last.

So, what am I really trying to tell you?

I have not lost my enthusiasm. I’ve not lost my intrigue. I’ve not lost my interest. I’ve not forgotten my priority or my love. I’ve not even forgotten that you love to hear those three words way more than I care to pronounce them. I know you know. But I know you love to hear more than anything. Even if, to me, it’s not necessary.

But the truth of the matter doesn’t change one bit. Even when I’m trying and not seeing any results registering.

As I watch you sleep peacefully and smiling ever so slightly at something I have no clue about… I hope you understand… when I say I try, I’m giving you my all.

I hope you understand, when I try, I’m not slacking, not complacent, not siting idly, or not caring. When I say I try, it means I’m giving you my best. Even if it doesn’t sound romantic or makes you blush.

For the truth of the matter is, if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t try at all. I’m too busy to try things I don’t care for. You. I care for. You. I will never stop trying.

That’s what happens when I love you. I try no matter how hard the road may be. No matter how dark the night is. No matter how much I think you think I don’t love you, I will keep trying until you understand that I do.

I do love you.

That’s why I try.

Post Script

Dear ladies, when your man of many years says he is trying… he just may be trying his best to convince you that he loves you without using those three words

Dear fellas, when you tell your lady that you’re trying, it’s not the same as saying I love you in case you didn’t already know that. Shower her sincerely with a daily abundance of heart felt “I love you”

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Editorial Note: This post was originally shared on the portfolio section on December 11, 2017. It has been moved to the blog as part of a site audit.