Many people have set individual goals for their new year. That’s awesome. That’s great. And while I do not do New Year’s Resolutions (a very successful resolution from years back btw)… I often think about some of the couples I know. Some who make relationship resolutions each year.
The reason I’m thinking about this is simple. It’s easy to have these standard goals to say each new year. Like… “I want to lose weight…” or “I will do better in school…” or “I will write a book…” and then… by March 31… have no idea what that personal goal was all about.
Most fantasies of changed life vanishes into thin air as soon as real life starts to take over. If that’s what happens on a personal level, what happens then on a collective level?
If the relationship is the foundation of community, what kinds of resolutions should a couple have? Should they even have them at all?
A New Chance to Ignite
The real reason why people make resolutions at that start of the year is because it’s a convenient socially acceptable start point. The start of the new calendar. The start of a different year. Out with the old, in with the new. It’s catchy. It’s practical. And nearly everyone is on the same agenda. Start the year strong with dreams and hopes.
That is all well and good for individuals. I live in a very individualistic society, so it feels as if everyone is only worried about their own personal goals outside the context that they live with and interact with others.
When looking at the new year prospect, sweet memories of childhood comes to mind. The family was together over Christmas break and now the family is opening up the new year in prayerful fashion. Yes, I grew up in that kind of family.
The biggest memories back then, we all spent time giving thanks for what was good the prior year. We all had to give a testimony of sorts about how amazing the year was. Then, after counting our blessings and showing gratitude, we then were asked to reflect on what good we’d bring to the family and the community.
That struck a chord with me.
What good can I bring to my family and community
Sure, we had a chance to talk about our personal goals and get supportive encouragement to boost the ego towards them. But the thought about the family and community was different. Never heard of any other family do that until much much later in life. Mentors of mine do the same thing.
Without actually planning to make the family bonds stronger, one might not give the attention needed to make the bond stronger. Same thing for love. If you don’t take time to set objectives for your love, how else will you measure the growth it has taken?
By the way, I am keenly aware that I started this blog post with the notion that I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. However, that does not stop me from making plans for the future. Most of my plans were worked on well before the Winter arrived. I’ve learned to start planning in advance. Gives me a much higher rate of success for my goals and dreams.
This blog being one of those goals and dreams that were planned out in advance and has had a steady rise of success. Sure, I’m no big league blogger yet, but that was never the goal/resolution to begin with. I wanted to learn the art first. Then, learn how to be consistent at it. Now, learning how to be relevant while at it.
Back to Love’s ignition
Relationships do need their own goals and values. That way they have purpose. A relationship with purpose can weather out the ups and downs of life a lot better. Mainly because… purpose is a guiding force that pulls a couple through the tough times. How? By diverting attention away from the immediate problem and towards the necessary solutions to get to the destination.
Example: if a relationship’s purpose is to be a guiding light to others about how romance can thrive in the modern era (yes, that is the actual purpose one of my fellow blogger friend has for her relationship)… when things get tough and they’re heated… they’re able to pause and take a break. During the break, the purpose comes back to mind. They reflect on it. It informs them what they need to do to patch things up. It helps them place context around the disagreement. Then, it helps them move on faster.
They don’t keep track of how many times they have disagreements. They do keep track, however, on how quickly they’re able to restore peace and harmony. Why? If they can’t figure how to recover, how can they expect to show others a living example of how couples can recover? So they have to find that way. When others ask, they have something to show and tell.
This purpose they have actually helps them do research to find ways to improve their romance. They know that people follow intently their blogging. They know people are learning from them the necessary tips and skills to improve their own romance.
What’s your New Year’s Romantic Resolution?
One year, this friend of mine had the goal of serving her man more openly. In the process, she uncovered how his sense of respect worked. It involved her making some tough adjustments in how she spoke to him. He didn’t respond well to orders being dictated to him. She had to learn how to ask her man for things instead of stating what he had to give.
It was not easy. It was hard work. I know my friend. Humble, cute, sweet, yet authoritative. She gets what she wants. Period. Her hubby does not operate that way at all. He’s generous, he’s carrying, he’s very giving, but only if you ask politely first.
Without their clearly stated vision and purpose, they fought a lot about what tone to use when speaking to each other. She felt he was demanding she be submissive. He felt she was being disrespectful. In reality, they just wanted to be treated as equals with respect and dignity.
With their purpose clearly defined, they worked on improving themselves and also cultivating the language of love that would allow them to live happy together.
Now, they give seminars and teach courses on how to improve the dialogue between lovers (married couples that is). Their biggest lesson is about having a common goal to work towards… so that it’s easier to grow together. I will blog more on this later in the year.
So, once again, what is your relationship’s resolution? What’s the game plan? What will you work towards this year?
My goals involve being a better husband, who more completely understands his wife. Without that insight, I can’t even begin to suggest ways for her to understand me. My wife, as sweet and loving as she is, is fiercely independent. In order for us to work even better as a team, my insight into her independence will allow me to better approach her with my own ideas. Yes, I too am fiercely independent… but with a massively introverted twist.
My lack of New Year’s Resolutions has not deterred me from making progress in my life. I have yearly objectives like everyone else. The difference being, mine do not originate at the start of a new year. I start them when I see I need to start them.
Yes, I do have my “anchor rituals” to help me start new projects and goals. Examples include starting on a Monday or at the start of a new month or quarter. Humans love having a good start point. Makes the journey a bit more well-defined. So. For some, it’s the start of the new year. For me, it’s usually the start of the school year and start of summer that drives me.
Whatever drives you, have a sit down chat with your lover. (This is a site called Love’s Perspective after all). Sort out what you’d like your relationship to look like at the end of the year, then map out what you need to do on the regular to get there. What’s that purpose?
For those who can’t find a purpose, that’s ok. Doesn’t mean you can’t plan for a great year. What improvements would you like to have in your relationship. Then, work as a team to make it happen.
Unlike most resolutions that die before the close of March, give yourself a couple of realistic benchmarks to hit. That way, you have something to work on each quarter of the year. At the end of the year, your love will thank you for the hard work you’re putting in.
Ignite that passion. Put in the work. It is a team effort. The win is shared by both. Just like the losses are. However, make this year such that the wins outweigh the losses.
From my end, I endeavor to share more wonderful ideas to make love grow as well as create more stories to share. I do plan to continue some of the fan favorites as well as start new stuff that may well become fan favorites. I am not sure how much of a break from my introversion there will be… but we’ll see. I also plan on being more romantic in my own relationship, especially now that writing has helped unlock ideas I struggled with before. Lastly, I will try to improve the portfolio section of the blog for the reading pleasure of my fans.
Have a great awesome new year!
Happy New Year!
May 2018 be awesome to your romance, health, and wealth. Feel free to write in any goals you have for your romance this year. I will try to create a blog post to help motivate you and keep you going. (could be right away or later in the year…)
Let’s all have a better perspective on our love… while nourishing it… and growing it.