This week, flu factors and lack of sleep, has been tough on blogging. I’ve missed my Monday series. However, that’s OK. I’m trying to re-balance and get back on track.
As I do this, let me pause to review a lesson I’m aware I should practice but at times get too busy to do.
Making time to nourish my romance.
A Moment for Love
Self love is very important. It’s very necessary but often easily overlooked. We have so many competing priorities we assume that we just have to grind and all will be well.
Sadly, I too fall victim to this mindset.
As hard as that can be for an individual, just imagine how hard that is on those who count on you to feel loved. They’re often left to the sidelines watching you grind… wondering when will they be good enough to get their own affection.
Writing this gave me a visual that made me cringe.
How often do we take a moment to smell the roses for ourselves? Then, think about how often you do that for the one you say you love…
It has been documented that newborns who do not get love from another human will not make it to their first month anniversary. The understanding is that the developing child needs love and affection to feel purpose to thrive.
Now, there are instances of people who appeared to have no love and affection who managed to grow to full adulthood. Not disputing that.
What I’m saying is this, if we’re not feeding ourselves with self-love, how confident are we that we’re feeding others with love?
Put another way
If a parent is too stressed out to be attentive to their need for a vacation, it’s not likely that they will handle a toddler’s tantrum in the shopping mall very calmly.
Want proof? Look at how many parents scream at their children who are in need of a snack in the mall the next time you’re in the mall. I’m not talking about that child who is being a pain in the rear. I’m talking about that tired child who had a bad day in school, who got dragged to the mall, is hungry, tried to be nice, but now wants to eat.
Then, the tired, stressed, hungry parent who is trying to buy things they don’t really need, is upset about being cut off, is trying to talk on a video call, and keep their child quiet, while rushing to the next sales.
Yeah. That picture.
When that child finally is overcomed with hunger and starts to whine. See how quickly that parent goes off the handle and takes out their frustration on the child.
Happens too many times.
We do the same to our spouses, our significant others, our children, parents, friends.
Then, we wonder why those folks want nothing to do with us later on. Sure, blood is thicker than water and those folks will stick around a little longer.
But, there is a reason why people leave. They’re paying a hard price being around you.
Plan a moment for love
That is why it is important to take a breather and feed the very souls we say we love. That begins with taking care of ourselves.
Many times, we burn bridges because we aren’t taking care of ourselves.
Then, when we do turn to others, we think we’re loving, but we’re actually being demanding.
How can you tell the difference? Just listen to the tone you take the next time you ask someone close to you how they’re doing.
Then, watch how your listen, if you listen at all.
Now, find a time to pause and cool yourself. Love yourself. Then, see how you deal with that same person.
There is a difference
Bottom line, each day is a new opportunity to tell someone that you care about them. It doesn’t have to be this over the top super grand act.
And that is where most folks get their affections into trouble. They wait and wait until they have the time to do something super big. And that usually is a birthday, a wedding, or sadly… a funeral.
Instead, break it down into bite sizes. Do little things.
There is a reason why most women and some men prefer the small acts of kindness.
While easier to do, they should not be done without some thought. Get a card. But then, write inside the card too!
Get some candy… but then… personalize the delivery.
Do that small little thing and do it well. These little acts can go a far greater distance.
It does not have to be daily, weekly, monthly, or quarterly. But do it at least once a year.
Sure, not for every single relationship you have. Just the ones you want to keep. Send a text. Send a photo. Send a note. Do something. Even use an app to remind you to do something for those you love.
Make it part of the small moment of self love. Do something good for yourself to de-stress, then do something nice for someone.
In my case, I enjoy writing. Even though life messed with my flow this week, this post is motivated in two parts. My wife occasionally reads my writing, for starters. And secondly, I was thinking about her and how hard she works to keep our home. Got me wondering how often I let her know that I appreciate her efforts. (thanks babe)
As I continue to pursue the road to happiness, I am trying to stay mindful to share happiness with those who are close to me by letting them know what they mean to me. Who knows, they may let me know what they need… and then have a good opportunity to do something for them that will let them feel how much I appreciate what they do for me.
Until next time, cheers to pausing long enough to share with someone you care for that you do actually care for them. Oh and one last thing, be specific too. That’s part of making it personal. “I appreciate that you do…” instead of “I care about you”. That’s nice, but specificity is nicer.
Dear Reader, thank you for coming back and reading my work. Especially when you click like and binge read. Makes me feel great and motivates me to continue. Really makes my day! Thank you!