When Ambitions Compete… relationship harmony hangs in the balance

Things to keep in mind

1- Alex is not asking Terrence to propose. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that whenever a woman asks about the future, she’s asking to lock in a proposal and marriage. Women like to know where they stand with a man. They don’t want to waste time shooting the breeze with a man who doesn’t want to move forward… if their goal is to move forward. That said, if a woman wants to chill and not take things serious, she still wants to know if the man feels the same way.

While that level of assurance and security rings well for a woman, man needs to be secure enough in himself to address the question. It’s fine to let a woman know that you’re thinking of chilling for the next couple of months before thinking about going serious. It’s OK to let her know that you’re not thinking marriage for another few years… or that you’re approaching her with the hopes of building something serious from the start.

Letting your partner know where you’re seeing life is part of healthy communication. It’s also a great way to build trust and security in a relationship. The more clarity there is about what each other wants, the better it is to navigate and move a relationship as both would appreciate.

2- Terrence does not need to decide right away what the future will be, just needs to have an idea

Given the time-line of this story, Alex and Terrence are young. They’ve got time on their side. They don’t have to lock down a future path in stone. However, it helps to have some clue of what one wants out of life. What is one’s purpose, one’s mission, one’s dreams.

It starts with a big idea. It can be narrowed to specific plans in due time. Terrence may be able to get away with relaxing and cruising but if he’s to have a better chance with his lady, he needs to start thinking of some type of future. The future will arrive, no matter what, but being prepared helps.

If anything, it would be to his advantage to put a little effort to have a bit of a clue. This would then allow Alex to apply some of her skills in planning to help him along the way… provided he’s open to getting any assistance whenever he needs it.

Had Terrence said that he’s open to moving to a bigger place close to his pals, that idea is wide enough in focus to not force him into a plan but narrow enough so that when the time comes, Alex can do her part in helping him stay close to his friends while finding something that suits them both better.

Same can be said for all the other things he may not want to plan for that she feels she has to plan for. If they can’t figure a way to utilize each other’s skills, they’re not going to survive constant fighting over every little discussions involving the future. With Alex such a planner, that means a ton of arguments if they can’t sort this out quickly enough

3- He doesn’t have to have all the solutions, just a direction and she can fill in the solutions

4- She doesn’t need to have all aspects of her life fully planned. Creativity can thrive in a less structured place

Alex’s drive to have things well planned comes in part from her being very analytical by nature. She’s spending a lot of time in the deductive reasoning part of her mind. Alex can crunch a lot of abstract data. She thrives on order and organization. This doesn’t mean she’s not creative, it just means she hasn’t allowed herself enough space to do differently.

Planning is good. But letting go is also good. It’s all about what works best at what time. In order to be imaginative, one needs time to create images in one’s mind. This part of creativity can’t be rushed or planned. Some small degree of free flow chaos is needed.

This idea of free flow chaos can best be characterized by a person pressed to create a solution and having a bit of a block. Instead of hammering their head against a wall, they can take a break, take a walk to the nearby park while listening to their favorite tunes. Often times, during the walk, the mind is sufficiently distracted that an idea seems to “pop out of nowhere” that solves the problem they were working on. The ‘chaos’ of the walk was all they needed to break the mental block they were experiencing.

Another way to look at this ‘free flow chaos’ is when someone planned to go to the park to relax alone… and finds a group of friends there. The choice, seems simple on the surface. Option A – join your friends and chill. Option B – avoid your friends to stick to the plan of relaxing alone. Option C – split your chill time with your friends and by yourself.

That flexibility in plans helps keep the door open for opportunities.

Taking this flexible free flow chaos theory to task for Terrence, he decided to finally plan a big pool party to impress Alex. Blocking out two hours, he sits and tries his best only to get stuck twenty minutes into the plan.

Fortune would have it, one of his boys swung by. Instead of turning away the visit to force himself to plan, Terrence shares with his buddy part of his struggle. While they’re having a good time talking, the friend makes a few suggestions that causes something to click within Terrence. The visit isn’t long, as the friend sees how Terrence is committed to the ideas.

It doesn’t take long for Terrence to take the new impressions and convert them into a plan he feels comfortable with and may well impress Alex. Calendar invites are sent, evites are confirmed. The party is back on and better than before. Instead of doing most of the hosting, Terrence enlists the help of a few party planners who owes him favors. Now, a proper soire is on with music, lights, and ambiance that even Alex can chill with.

Yes, the mind is a funny place indeed. It needs structure and chaos. But organized chaos with flexibility in structure. Go figure.

Does the soire end up happening? Do these love birds sort out their competing ambitions? We’ll have to just tune in another day and find out. For now, thank you for clicking like on the post and enjoying it. Keep your love ambitious and cooperative instead of competitive.

 

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