Why The Fade
Sure, being in lust during the early stages of romance has a biological component to it. We all seen it. People who can’t seem to act right about each other and refuse to get their own room. We know how they act when things are hot. That drugged stupor of rosy red violets and bluish tinted roses. Yup. That make you sick to your stomach types who just can’t tone things down.
While biology does play a role and some folks seem to not want to help biology or aren’t able to help it, the hormonal rush eventually fades and leaves reality in it’s wake.
To many people live by their feelings however. Just because the hormone level dropped doesn’t mean the relationship is over or that the love is gone. The initial drug feel has to fade. That is nature. You can’t keep ignoring life to do the lustful thing indefinitely. At some point you do have to balance your life with friends, work, family, and eventually growing your own family.
But biology aside, the extent of the fade need not mean letting yourself go. It is quite painful for a person to experience the loss of affection they once thought was theirs. There is no socially accepted way (in the Western World) to mourn the loss of affection while being in an otherwise solid relationship. Worse, seeing that affection being hinted at someone else… yeah… jealously sparking move there.
That once polite door-opening man now can’t seem to remember if you’re walking behind him or not but will go out of his way to open the door for another woman who is dressed the way you used to dress. Or that flirtatious smile that made his hair stand at attention now being used with the guys of the office while a minimal smirk is offered whenever he goes ridiculously out of his way to be nice.
Both genders are guilty of fading. Both are guilty of being preoccupied with work, play, parenting, adulting, and the likes. Both forget to invest in their own love, their own romance, their own feelings, their own needs.
What makes the Fade all the more dangerous, it always feels like it’s the other person who is at fault. It rarely sees it’s own contribution to the problem.
In situations of the Fade, one is quick to keep score about how they’re not getting what they want in the relationship. They’re quick to point out all the historically great times. Even if the memory is a bit inaccurate due to the passage of time. It was always much better back then. Back when.
Few take the time to look in the mirror to see if they’ve caused or contributed to the fade. That’s the problem with the faded lens of the faded person. They do not see very well the present and the good in the moment.
What if there are medical reasons for the change? What if there are short term economic shifts that caused the change. What if the fade is just temporary? What if the fade can be reversed?
Hold On… Reversed?
Most people do not want to accept that a faded romance can be re-ignited. Few want to put the effort. Excuses like “I already know how he/she is, they’re not going to change” gets batted about. But let’s be reasonable for a moment. There was a time that person was necking you hot and heavy. Now they’re not. That’s a change. Why can’t they change back? It does happen. It may not be publicized, but it does happen.
Nothing like a random out of the blue thoughtful gift of time to make one’s partner’s day while bringing out their natural blush. Nothing like stringing a few blushing moments to revive her engine to feel like there is hope for better.
When one holds the cards too tightly to the vest while keeping score, one tends to forget the ace in the hole that can revive relationships. Introduce a bit of chaotic destruction of the status quo with a bit of romantic genius.
In other words, start dating your partner. Sure, it may not sound hot. Worse, might sound boring. However, there was a time you had no idea who this person was and could do. If you start dating them again, you just never know what they might have learned that you missed while you were fading.
Some guys have remarked that once they’ve resumed dating their wives, they were shocked to discover how much fun she actually was. Romance resumed. But here’s the catch. Because you already have a good history, the intimacy in this round of discovery is that much more intense. That’s why most living arrangements have a master bedroom. That kind of sizzle is too hot for the streets or park.
Society has conditioned many to believe that it’s really the men that fade out. However, women are just as guilty. Guys aren’t just complaining because they just want to be difficult.