The Fade

When Faded

There are many things that can be done to revive a faded relationship. But before touching any of the how-to’s… there is this tiny annoying little thing called mindset.

Yes. Mindset.

Both parties have to be willing to give the new effort a chance. Precisely the annoying little bugger deal. Both parties may well be frustrated or settled into the fade. Some folks are really comfortable. They’re now showing their true colors that was missed in the overly polished marketing days. They don’t want to change. They don’t want to rock the boat. It feels safe. It feels comfortable. It feels normal. It feels like the home they left.


Many people never had a good example of a long term hot and spicy romantic life. They saw how their folks settled and got comfortable. It’s not talked about very much. The expectation is to experience a fade. It is normal for the belly to get bigger. It’s normal for the hairline to vanish. It’s normal to snap and cuss the partner out. It’s normal to go weeks without intimacy.

Or is it?

Is it really your normal? Was that what you had wished for the night of the honeymoon? Was that your promise? Your vows?

Honey… I promise to revert to boring normal as soon as the good times have faded and settle for the lows of thin with the hope you don’t divorce me for not trying my best.

Yeah. No.

No one goes in planning to get faded. No one plans on fading. Yet, few plan not to fade. Few plan to be vibrant in the long haul. Few plan recovery strategies to bring love back. Few plan conversational checks and balances to keep each other accountable; to stay vibrant instead of slip into faded-ness.

Few people challenges the status quo to keep things from getting comfortably lazy.

By the way, just because you’re keeping things hot doesn’t mean you don’t have daily life challenges.

Sure, it’s not easy to keep the makeup game tight and the GQ flowing. However, just because the external has faded some doesn’t mean the internal has to match!

That’s the thing people don’t realize or talk much about. Yet everyone can witness it. There can be a couple who have lost it all due to external stress but when you see them together, they light up the room with radiant happiness. They look solid. They feel solid. They carry on solid. Their outer appearance might appear broke but their spirit is strongly alive and well.

So what if that Versace dress wearing day is history. So what if that six figure job is gone and he can’t afford IHOP. The love between the two need not fade to match.

In the final analysis

The Fade is when people stop watering their relationship and let drought take over. That’s really the issue. When you’re in a season of drought, you’re not worried about the other, you’re worried about your thirst. You’ll do nearly anything or anyone to get filled back up. Sometimes, it’s those moments that one needs to turn a blind eye to the world and start working on their internal love game. Revitalize yourself. Put on your oxygen mask on first.

Then. Once there is some fuel in the tank and you’re less parched, it’s time to water the relationship. Build it back up. Strengthen it. Bring back the heat.

Being thirsty is very evident and others with lesser morals than you are more than happy to wreck your relationship to meet their own thirst needs. There is always someone thirstier than you.

The only protection is to satiate your relationship with hydrating romance. Be kind to one another. Support one another. Uplift one another. Take care of each other. Invest in each other.

Over time, you’ll see that it was well worth it as the relationship bears fruits that will further sustain and uplift the romance.

And you never know, as that love blossoms and flourishes throughout different seasons, that visual you so enjoyed will return and warm your cheeks as you see your lover once again with brand new vision. And you’ll desperately cancel plans to go bless that master bedroom as if for the first time once again.

Don’t fade… stay strong. The refreshment choice is in your hands. Don’t wait on your partner to make the move. It’s your relationship too. Make it hot. Keep it hot. Help the other do the same. Leave the fading to the amateurs who don’t yet know better. Let them learn from you instead of you wishing you were hot.

The Fade. Really not the best relationship jump shot. Lean in and keep that fire hot!

p.s. don’t make the mistake of assuming a change of partner will fix your own fade issues… as you tend to carry yourself into the next relationship and pick up your fade right where you left off… which is not fair to the unsuspecting new partner


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