To Be Complete… in love

Tell Tale signs of low value

Whenever someone is constantly drawing attention to themselves to have their needs met, you’re dealing with someone of lower value than you…. Not lower value in terms of worth… no… but in terms of what they bring to the table.

A low value person will seek to take a lot more than they’ll give. The need to have so they can feel…

A high value person will invest as much as they take out of any relationship. They will call you to check up on you even if you didn’t check in on them the last dozen times. A love value person is extremely aware of how often they reached out and didn’t see you reach out… their score card game is so tight they often will abandon you after reaching out twice first. (literary exaggeration for the sake of making a point)

Insecurity is a good sign. The very core of insecurity is the feeling that something is not right. So, such a person will do a lot of things to regain that feeling of security. It’s a human thing. We all want to feel secure.

The problem with emotional insecurity, such a person can’t feel safe with others. They’re in constant need of validation that they’re OK. They need constant reminders that they’re secure where they’re at. The problem is lack of self-driven sense of security. Why? Some people aren’t safe, and your emotions will tell you that… and those are the people to avoid… not seek.

In love, if you feel insecure, you go out of your way to find solutions or validation of your feelings. If your partner is talking to someone else, the feeling of insecurity will trigger the sense of jealousy.

“Why is someone else getting my attention?”

You can go on the offensive, defensive, or subversive when feeling jealous. We all seen the types. Jumping to wrong conclusions that an affair is taking place when it is not. We’ve seen the ones who just have to check the phone to see if someone they deemed off-limits texted you. We’ve all been subject to the harm of well placed gossip or blockage to keep us from the conversations that triggered the jealousy.

Again. Low value proposition. Pain everywhere. All because there was incompleteness left not-handled.

Of course, this does not mean ignore your feelings. Feelings are barometers that help draw your attention to something pressing. If your partner is cheating, your feelings will tug at you so you can do something about it… like get out of the relationship (just as a random example… not rule of thumb)

However, if after some introspection, you realize that the feelings aren’t well founded, don’t just ignore them, find out the deeper root cause. Could the jealousy be signaling some un-addressed insecurities? If so, what are they? Then address and fix the issue.

Two complete humans in a relationship will not have chronic sense of jealousy pops up anytime someone of the opposite gender speaks with our partners. There is no threat. So why feel threatened? Address the insecurity quickly.

It takes time

This post is getting long. So, to dive closer to the point. Give yourself time to mature. There is no set age by which we arrive to maturity. However, we can constantly level up. We may be all good in our twenties, but we need more skills to handle our thirties. Same for all the decades that comes afterward. Why? We change over time. We learn more. We uncover more. So, we need to become more.

High value people constantly seek wisdom and humility. They seek to understand first before being understood. They understand investing both in the short and long term. They understand the wisdom of patience and giving the benefit of the doubt. They also understand how values work, how negotiations work, and how to cultivate better skills, habits, and knowledge.

Low value people coast through on what they learned years before. They react. They lash out. They are moved by their feelings and react based on their feelings not values. They’re cool people when they feel cool. They are hurtful people when they’re hurt. The list goes on.

When one knows their purpose, such a one is not easily blown off-course by the whims of public opinion. They have confidence, security, and inner strength. It takes strength to give first before taking. It takes strength to humble oneself to listen, ask for forgiveness, to change.

If you’re not yet complete, do the work it takes to find completeness. It’s going to be well worth it. This may mean enjoying being single in a society that insist you’re not complete without a partner. But for your sanity, it is so worth it. Wait. Get yourself together. Meditate on things above. Reflect. Discover yourself. Then… when maturity has filled your heart…completeness… move forward and share your journey with someone who shares your world view.

Bonus

In full disclosure, everyone has moments where they feel uncertain. Everyone has points where they’re not as secure as they would like to be. I for one have had to face my own concerns and insecurities many times in life. Writing has definitely made me face myself more thoroughly than if I wasn’t writing. So much so that a topic like this gives me pause at time…

Even with feelings of uncertainty, one has to make moves to grow and gain certainty. Keep working on becoming your best self… for it is the most honorable way to show gratitude to your maker and your purpose for being.

On the last page of this blog, there will be a few pieces taken from social media. Those pieces served as partial inspiration for this blog post. Other pieces were created in response to this blog post and shared on social media.

Like always, do share this with those who can benefit… as well as share your comments below.

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2 thoughts on “To Be Complete… in love

Add yours

  1. Aye! Bows down! Claps! Does summer saults, flipback, prints in A5 and frames to put on wall!!
    This article was everything!!
    Thank you for pouring your knowledge and experience of relationships in this perfectly articulated way.
    Another master piece.
    Waiting for the book!
    Teekay XX

    Like

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