Where is the advantage go going slow?
The real advantage in moving slowly with matters of the heart has nothing to do with love at all. It has everything to do with trust. It takes time to build trust. To build trust, one has to know and understand the person they’re trusting. There has to be a track record of proven reliable results.
That means one thing. You know in your heart of hearts that what you know is exactly what you know. In laymen terms… I know someone is a cheat by their actions. I can trust them to cheat. I know they will cheat. It’s at times predictable. So, when you have that knowledge, you can avoid being in situations to be cheated on… because of the proven track record. You trust them to cheat.
chose a contrarian view to make the point all the more salient. Substitute any value/trait in place of cheating and the example still works
This is not saying that people can’t change. But you’ve got no control over that. So, focus on what you can control.
By taking your time to know, understand, evaluate, and build trust, you now have the foundation for love to bloom.
In many cultures where marriage is arranged, when the formula works perfectly, the foundation is set for the young couple to build trust. From that trust, love blooms and blossoms. Now, there is no guarantees to this, but it works way more than many give credit. This getting married for love is a relatively new and mostly Western philosophy.
With a high level of trust, love grows in ways that can be far deeper and satisfying than outside the setting of trust. Relationships fare much better with trust than without.
To build trust, one needs time. Yes, it’s been said before several times. Just wanting to make sure the point is totally trusted.
Building trust is boring. It is not sexy. It is work. It can be hard. It can be easy. It takes time. It takes dialogue. It takes knowing yourself. It takes knowing someone else.
Thankfully, it can happen digitally as well as face to face. Or any other means one can think of. Trust can be built. Rebuilding trust is an entirely different conversation. It can be done. But the work is even more intense than the first time around. Not impossible. Just less probable for most.
One can fall in love instantly. Most times one doesn’t, but that’s not sexy to write about. Many will grow in love without having trust present first. In time, that makes things a bit strained when things slip sideways before trust has been built. Having trust in place just makes the whole enterprise of love a whole lot easier. More fun. Longer lasting. More stable. All that not-sexy-thing most would rather not read about.
The upside of having trust however is all the very sexy things most would rather read about or do. Trust allows for more play, more exploration, more adventure, more kink, more love, more sex, more everything.
Heck, trust makes that loving feeling last longer. It is possible to have that head over heel feeling last longer and return more often when you’re in a relationship with someone you deeply trust. They can touch and move your soul in ways no one else can.
With great trust comes great responsibilities. With great trust comes great risk. With great risk comes greater fun and growth. It’s the nature of love. They who risk much gain most. And the currency of that… is trust… the interest rate is… love.
Funny how the heart works really.
hope you enjoyed this post. I will hopefully be back sooner than later. There is so many more perspectives on love to cover. For now, stay loving, stay in love, enjoy your perspective, and build up that trust game of yours with the right person.
note: the one year anniversary of this blog is coming soon… fingers crossed for a potential face-lift to the place