A Wellness of Love

Self-Care Day


Every part of the relationship needs fuel to operate. The reality of life is that we don’t often have the time to take care of the relationship as it should. We take, and take, and take. Hoping the other gives, and gives, and gives. The relationship soon dries out. What’s left is tensions, fights, anger, resentment, bitterness, distractedness, jealousy, envy, and many other wonderful sins that are toxic to anyone close to it. Sadly, many people rather throw away their partner and relationship into the trash and try again with someone else for them to dry up and discard again.

On a more personal front

Everyone one needs a break some time. Everyone needs to get up and stretch out their legs to feel invigorated to continue. That break can be daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, bi-annually, or yearly. That’s why vacations are such an important part of a nutritional year of life’s grind.

Humor attempts aside, when was the last time a personal day was taken just for personal refreshment? When was the last time one took a spa day to just recharge? When the trend of guys taking a spa day hit the awareness of this writer, well, there was a lot of resistance to the idea. One day, might have to try it.

For now, just the idea of taking a self-care day from the relationship to recharge may make some uncomfortable. Just keep in mind, we’re all adults and should not require supervision to take a day away from one’s partner. The goal of the day off is to find balance to come back ready to participate more energetically in the relationship.

Note: a break is not a pass to go check out other potential mates. A break is just a chance to get refueled to come back and participate in the relationship. Not create headaches to have to fix and fight over.

When one never takes a break…

Martyrdom is not cool. Really isn’t. Burnout is not cool. Running until break point is just not necessary. Just take the break to recharge. Especially in a season of constant fighting, call a truce, get support, help (of the professional or qualified variety) and regroup. Look at things from a different perspective. Try new things to refresh the relationship.

Speaking of breaks, these are mutually agreed upon events. One can’t just announce they’re going to an exotic island in an hour, leave, and expect everything to be rosy on their return. This is planned out. This is negotiated out. This is mutually understood. This is teamwork trying to find the most effective way to recharge.

The whole “taking it on the chin” or “taking it for the team” might work for organizations for a while but should not be the standard operating ideology for a relationship. Talk. Talk. Discuss. And take carefully planned breaks to recharge.

Gals need their girl’s night out. Guys need to hang with the fellas. And. It’s not just gender-lined either. Guys and gals need to hang with their friends in general. That’s how perspectives get checked, that’s how feedback and support comes into play. (friend selection is a whole different topic)

Nothing like a good friendly voice to gently nudge you away from that bad emotional place that would have ruined your love life if you had stayed the course you were thinking. This does not mean air out everything to everyone. It just means that in the course of having an actual life, you’re better able to maintain your relationship alive and well… when compared to having your relationship be the all and all of your life. Remember, balance? (group think too?)

Relationship breaks

While each person definitely needs a day to address their needs… ie… self-car day… a relationship needs one as well. A time when both parties pull away from the drudgery of life and focus just on their relationship. Thanks to sitcoms, it is often considered laughable or weak to go on a relationship retreat. However, the reality is that every relationship will benefit from time off from reality to recharge.

They call them romantic vacations or getaways. They also can be found in key bed-and-breakfast establishments. Some are known to be quiet sandy beaches. Others just good old fashioned meal for two in a chain restaurant outside of town.

During those getaways, it’s not just the physical that needs recharging, don’t forget the mental and spiritual. A bit of singing, dancing, meditating, joint massaging, or just writing love notes goes a long way to recharge those aspects of love.

Without taking time to invest in the relationship, one can easily understand why they get tired, stressed, and break down. Give your love a winning opportunity by recharging it on regularly scheduled as well as spontaneous intervals. It will thank you wholesomely when you least expected.

Nothing like when one partner is feeling down, the other is a bit busy and unable to attend the needs, and the relationship kicks in and provides coverage until a better time is available. Hold on… coverage?

Here’s an example. Partner A habitually comes home on time for dinner. Partner B one day is having a hard time emotionally. That day, Partner A has to work late. The coverage: Partner B remembers how helpful Partner A always is when always home on time. Partner B holds on and manages until Partner A comes home. They work things out together.

If the relationship didn’t provide coverage… symptoms like the following would happen quick fast:

-ten hundred text messages a minute checking up on Partner A
-Partner B preparing the attack and tantrum to throw at Partner A 
for coming home late again on a bad night of all nights to come home late
-Partner A, sensing things will go wrong for coming home late, 
makes every possible attempt to arrive home after Partner B has gone to bed, 
to avoid any drama about the bad mood that turned catastrophic.

Without belaboring the point, it pays to invest in a healthy relationship that’s regularly maintained so that there is reserve enough in the tank to keep things smooth when a partner is taking instead of giving to the relationship or their partner.

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