The Give and Take Model
This blog has been about replenishing the well of love. A wellness of love is from each person knowing when to give and when to take from their partner and their relationship. It’s a delicate balancing act for sure.
One person said this. It is better to over-communicate than to assume the other person understands. While that is cute and true, the way one speaks and over-communicate says a lot about one’s choice to give or take in the relationship. The fine line between over-communicating and nagging is easy to cross. The tone and approach makes all the difference in the world.
One example of over-communicating is the use of calendar notifications. Setting up a reminder a week in advance, two days in advance, the night before, the day or is overkill for some but perfect for others. Adjust the way one communicates to suit the needs of the partners in the relationship. However, do not go assuming you’re heard. Get confirmation. Get buy in. Seek to understand. Make sure you’ve used their language to communicate. That way, they got your message.
One couple has a system of emails, post-it notes, and calendar notifications that makes sense for them (not the relationship of the writer in case you’re curious). They know what’s going on with each other all the time. They know when to take a break because of the drop off in communication. They rapidly adjust. Their relationship always feels fresh and exciting because they’re constantly discovering new things together and apart. There is always something to share, laugh about, talk about, and plan for.
Ultimately, the give and take model is about investing in each other and the relationship. The more one invests, the more is available to receive. The person getting the investment is nourished and grows. That growth allows them more capacity to give. The more they give, the more the initial giver feels nourished, appreciated, invested in, and willing to invest back.
Almost like a good catch–22 setup when you think about it.
Before moving to the conclusion of this post… there are two words that need to be emphasized here.
Without these two building blocks, the others don’t have as solid a foundation to lean on… and the relationship will experience less sustainable feelings of certainty and security. Two important pieces to motivate someone to invest in their relationship to increase viability and happiness. It’s just all a compounding effect of interest.
A Wellness of Love
Ultimately, love is a well. Not a bottom less pit. A well where wishes come for nourishment and fuel to grow into realistic heaven on earth reality. As much is drawn from the cistern of love, one has to plan a rainy day or three to pour back into the well. The balance has to be stricken such that there is always plenty for each partner to draw on in their time of need as well as time of rest and festivity.
Love is finite but definitely renewable. One just needs to understand the natural laws that governs love, play within the physics of love, and creatively invest in the abundance of love in order to have plenty to bathe in.
Breaks don’t have to be all complex and expensive. In this economy, it’s the little things that bring about the greatest value. Not because the economy is bad, but the uncertainty in the air makes things feel worse than they are.
Some folks have improved the quality of their relationship lives by simply cutting the amount of news they watch in the evening to spend that time instead making fresh pasta to enjoy together. Joint activity. Laughing moments. Flirting with each other. Working together. Eating together. And then catching a movie together. That break once a week alone is refreshing enough to the well of love they are building.
Sometimes, sending a quick spicy text message during the middle of the day will brighten the mood and change the mindset of the partner. The returns on that small investment may be enough to get that flower or card accompanied by that kiss and romance later that day.
The health and wellness of love depends on the investment and support one showers their relationship with. The more one puts in, the more abundance there is to draw from. The quality of the investment can’t be neglected either. Invest yelling and get screaming. Invest tenderness and get loving care. (not ignoring the fact it takes two to tango… both parties have to invest in the same direction for this to work)
Dividing the work of keeping a relationship fresh is the effort of small things on a daily basis. Stalling means having to do that much more later to get things refreshed. Don’t wait. Just like retirement savings. Do the work now. Enjoy it while you do it. And then, later, the returns on investments will bring a huge smile.
In closing. Keep your oxygen mask on. Take care of you first. Take care of your partner. Take care of your relationship. Take care of any kids present. (while teaching them how to take care of themselves). And excluding market gyrations, you’ll end up with a wellness of love that serves you well.