Breaking Down the Case Study
The highly simplistic picture painted here is to highlight the differences between lust and love. One is very self directed and the other is concerned about the other.
In rather simple terms, Lust is about the luster. All about the feelings and needs of the one doing the lusting. Love is not only concerned about itself, it also is concerned about the object of one’s affection. Love is not blind. Love is not deaf. Love is not insensitive. Love is not prone to haste. Love is patient. Love plans, adjusts, analyze, and is proactive.
What is it about lust
The mental short circuitry that happens in lust makes one blind to reality. One can fill in a number of fictional story to explain what is going on in the moment of lust. Bobby could have easily read any of Sally’s actions to be her playing hard to get instead of not interested.
Lust is very superficial. It prefers to assume the good in people instead of verifying there is actual good in said people. Lust finds ways to justify why it feels as it does and jealously attacks all threats to it’s own naive views. When friends tried to show Bobby the error of his ways, they were labeled as jealous and unable to appreciate what he had.
When Sally got uncomfortable, lust said that she was unable to contain her attraction and secretly wanted to be taken. Lust is built on lies and fallacy. Lust is an internal experience fabricated on one’s biochemistry.
It feels so good because it knows exactly what one fantasizes about and delivers it to you as you’d like it to appear. It’s a mind trick. Lust is not based on reality.
Doesn’t mean that lust can’t be corralled and coerced into being nice and eventually giving way to love. There is a reason why one of the deadly sins is lust. People do crazy things under the influence of lust.
Best way to avoid the damages and heartbreak of lust, is to run far away from it and all the sources of fuel for it. Bobby needed to get away and clear his head. Take time and space to get his mind back to normal. Once back to normal and free to think clearly, he saw for himself what he needed to do.
What is it about love
Love can use feeling that are just as powerful as lust to get our attention on the person we are attracted to. Love can feel just as intense as lust. The difference is that love is built on facts and choices. One can make the decision to love anyone they want to. Love can do so and not get the facts twisted. How else do you explain how a person can love an unruly significant other (it can be a parent of a teen, a wife of a wild hubby, or a pain in the rear neighbor).
Love stands the test of time and logics. It encourages time and logic to work in it’s favor. Love needs not validation and fuel to exist. Love is it’s own fuel and is moderate in how it is poured. Love will sacrifice when needed but will not destroy unless no other alternative exists (which is so rare its not really worth mentioning)
Jealousy and love almost never do very well together. Here’s why. Love requires a degree of maturity and insight to fully bloom. When jealously shows up, there is a lack of security and stability somewhere. Strong love takes care of patching up those insecurities and instabilities so that jealously can’t take root. Reason being, should jealously take strong hold, it will tap into lust and cause all manners of destruction and chaos.
While love is very understanding, it has standards and will not be trotted underfoot easily. Lust might. Love avoids being disrespected and treated like dirt. In other words, love has a backbone and is not permissive. It may grant permission but it is not a gift of eternal grace that has no consequences attached.
Love is very powerful and can conquer a lot for the sake of making a lot. Just don’t assume that love has no mind to compute and figure things out. If love wasn’t so great and wonderful, Bobby would not have had the patience to wait on Sally. While there was no promissory contract, love knew it was the right thing to do… wait. Waiting is not for everyone, by the way, but in this example, it was the right thing to do.
Bottom line, love will look at a comprehensive set of data and make a smart decision. It could be moving on with one’s life or it could be waiting. But love does not come to such a conclusion without facts, supporting evidence, conversation, and due diligence.
Can one become the other?
Love rarely degrades into lust. Love might employ powerful feelings to get one’s attention and focused on nourishment of passion, but love really is too thought out to fall for the antics of lust. Love might have moment when it doesn’t feel passionate. In fact, sometimes love just doesn’t feel fun at all. Other times, love is so amped up one can get dizzy drunk in it and feel all kinds of giddy.
Love, the noun, is different from love, the verb. Love is more than just a feeling. It is a purposefully bound movement. It made the choice to flow as it does. One may not always get to choose who one is attracted to, but one sure can make the choice as to whom they opt to love. Not that it’s easy to disentangle the feelings from the choice.
Lust on the other hand rather crash and burn than convert to love. However, with a bit of distance, a bit of logical reality checks, a lot of persuasion, and lots of cooling off, lust can feed over to the camp of love. Not the most advised of paths, but one far easier to travel than love to lust. In fact, some of the experiences of lust can, when done right, teach a person how to turn up the heat for a romance. The problem is that lust is so ego-wrapped and selfish that it is best to avoid making the conversion and letting it starve outright. Then start over fresh and build love instead.
Nourish your love and starve your lust
Weird to say that on a blog focused on the many perspectives of love, but it’s true. Feel and build up your love. A smart investment. Take your time. There is no real urgent rush. Lust hastens the path to a wreck. Starving lust is smart it gets one out of one’s own head and focused on reality. Love won’t have you running around delusional.
The many long-winded lessons of the first drafts of this post were all contained in the stories shared. Take time to understand the feelings. Identify which way they go.
Lust will resist any logical ordering. Might even need a strong intervention from friends to break from the bonds of lust. Unchecked, lust leaves a person an empty hurting shell chasing ever fleeting flings to keep it alive. Love grows with time and adjusts to the situations to keep a degree of balance. Love can renew itself. Love can ignite passions over and over. Love is welcomed by all it touches.
Love will accept a pros and cons list. Love will listen to wise counsel. Love will uplift and support the owner of said love as well as the object of said love. Lust only cares about itself even at the expense of the luster. There is no concern about the wellness of the lustee either.
There is no simple magical test to know which one you’re experiencing other than let time and reason win out. Maybe even a little distance to tell if the heart will grow fonder. Just know, if lust allows you to know, that if you’re too wrapped up into the feelings and how they benefit you… you’re slipping down the rabbi hole of lust ever further away from the light of love.
As this case study wraps up, wishing every reader much love and happiness away from the grips of lust and it’s sinful influences. (only exception to this is in play with your lover while creating a lustful situation that is mutually consensual)
Happy Loving. Until next time, put a little verb into the noun called love.