The Excuses
As the holiday season was approaching, a notification popped up on Connor’s computer. It reminded him to not repeat the same mistakes of the last two years. With a bit of heaviness in his heart, Connor closed the notification and reflected on the humiliation and ache of the past two holiday seasons.
The first round of devastation was when he tried to ask Betsy to the office party. Not only did he stammer and stutter, he kept looking down at the floor. As the office brute swooped in, Betsy chided him for staring at her heels and making her highly uncomfortable.
Yeah, that was a horrible day made worse that the guy who swooped in made a few terrible comments that had Betsy laughing very hard. She was insensitive, cold, mean. She was enjoying his misfortunes too much.
Connor had to remember all the details, because he had sworn never to make that mistake again. Thankfully, the office gossip did not go up the ladder of management. To be known as the goofball who couldn’t even ask a woman out to the dance, well, that could adversely impact his career. Never again.
Nope.
Never again.
Then…
Then, the following year came around. And he tried his luck once more. This time around, his tongue did not betray him. However, his pickup line did. Maybe it was the green hip hugging sweater dress and matted leather booties that threw him off, or the worry of the brute swooping in.
His pickup up line managed to reference both the dress and the swooping artist having easy access to a runway paved by black leather.
In hindsight, this was terrible. Her dress was a lovely sexy hip hugging hunter green dress with a black leather racing stripe. It had garnished heaps of praises from everyone for looking so celestially beautiful.
Connor cringed at how awful the pickup line was. It had sounded funny in the nervous preparation of delivery. However. As it slipped from his lips, it took an awkward life of it’s own and sounded really horrible. The kind of horrible that should have warranted a conversation with HR.
The look Betsy threw him really cut deep. Having had a lot of professional success early in life, getting a dismissive look was extra painful in that he wasn’t used to that and he was certain his line had worked until the look.
That look.
Connor couldn’t console himself about the pain the look gave him for some time. Even though he knew that his line was dead wrong and had provoked that response. However, Connor deluded himself into thinking that Betsy knew the real meaning behind his intentions.
That look had cut really deep.
Too deep.
It wasn’t like he had said things in a malicious way. The brute had said many sexually inappropriate things that never garnered such a look. Why was he the only guy to get cut down to size by such venomous side eye.
Maybe, Betsy was really out of his league. Connor felt he needed to face facts. There was a reason why women like her always had the toughest, baddest, meanest, coolest, hardcore-est guys flocking about her. She was in that league. The one that prohibited good men from playing.
But, but, Betsy was so sweet and nice a person. If his conversations were just about work, man, she was a doll. A dream. A peach. A perfect mate. The few times conversations slipped into outside work things, she still remained perfect.
Problems came up whenever he tried to move things forward and towards a relationship.
Not even.
Just hanging out after work. It’s not like he was asking for a life long commitment. Just a chance to be himself and talk. That was it. Talk.
It couldn’t be his nerves getting in the way. He had practiced his lines enough in the mirror. Yet. No dice. Always a flop. Always a no.
How could he be so stupid to think a professional friendship could ever be anything more. She clearly allowed him in her circle as the token geek. That guy who could fix her computer and that was it.
Mind you, Connor thought, it was a tech firm. Betsy could very well fix her own computer. Why the games?
How though? How could Betsy be using him so? Didn’t make sense.
Love's Perspective 
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