Once Upon a StagnationEmbed from Getty Images
As sweet as romance is, as nice as love gets, there comes a time when everyone must face a period of stagnation. A place were relationships come to get defined, die, or stagnate. That place where effort doesn’t make sense and retreat, while cozy, sometimes just does not work. Stay in stagnation too long and hope withers away. What does one do when in a situation of stagnation?
His Take on StagnationEmbed from Getty Images
He thought he was a stallion. He knew he had the swag. But now married all these years, doubt was creeping in. The drive to get her flowers was gone. The mood to get creative had shifted. The desire to talk endlessly had long sailed away. He had entered that stagnation zone.
While his list of love requirements was not long, it was clear she had nothing to do with his love’s perspective. The efforts were not being made. There was always a reason or rhyme behind why she was too tired, too busy, to occupied, too stressed, too of too much to do anything. After all, it was his fault anyway, he was not providing, he was not leading, he was not compassionate, he was too busy working.
With great sadness, he watched his lady suit up for work, putting on her best, sprucing up her hair, doing her face, looking hot. Then it got worse, his hours got longer. Only on social media did he see how gorgeous his lady was for the audience of her coworkers.
There was no infidelity going on, he had checked and rechecked. She just loved putting her best out there to be complimented by others. She reserved her lowest energy and moods for him. He had to fix things. She just dumped on him all the time. Once fixed, all too eager to get on the phone with girlfriends, she totally zoned him out.
Stagnation. He was now a citizen of stagnant nation. Dang it!
To add insult to injury, she didn’t need him for anything. Modern hip and independent, she made her own choices, her own schedule, her own recreation, her own activities. She did not consult him like she used to. She had outgrown him. Now with thousands of fans and admirers, her old man was no longer relevant. Uncle Google covered all the other needs her Facebook clan couldn’t cover. Even when needing advice on what to buy her husband, she consulted Pinterest first and last and made a choice without ever asking him a word.
Feeling rather stale in stagnation, he vowed to not care any more. Not purchase anything for her, not smile, not encourage, not compliment. That would teach her a thing or two about leaving her valiant hero by the wayside. To his biggest consternation, fully fledged in stagnation, he uncovered the truth, she didn’t notice his lack of participation in the relationship, as all her needs were already covered by everyone in her circle, including the D-battery packs of Ole Faithful
Having risen to the ranks of veteran spiritual leader of stagnation, it was time to consider quiting the nation, for stagnant had his heart grown flagrantly stank with loneliness.
Her Take on StagnationEmbed from Getty Images
She wondered for a while why her husband had lost interest in her. She tried to dress sexy and cute but he just worked longer hours. She thought there was another woman only to uncover that he had very little in way of friends. The man was a loner. One who loved to stay by himself. His only claim to fame was his work.
You can’t get jealous of the house pet, the faithful Golden Retriever, the one he only shared his emotions with. Why had she agreed to let him have that dog? At first, it was just to help keep him company the days she worked long hours. The man never questioned or asked of her much. He just withdrew quietly into a dark space.
She didn’t know what to do. She was being dragged into stagnation against her will, she had to fight, hold on, carry on. Maybe one day, he’d snap out of it. Though she boldly confronted him about it, he swore up and down he was not depressed, he just had a lot to do at work. His mood often soured for no reason… resorting to anger whenever she held the anchor of their relationship in check.
What was she to do? Giving up was not her nature. In order to feel better, she would dress up a lot more, hoping he’d notice and take her out to dinner. Instead, the man threw himself into studying, saying it’s for the career so they can have more money, although she earned way more than he and felt they had plenty.
Now weighed by debt, the man of her dreams threw his precious life force into hundreds of hours of work to pay off a degree, while still making less than she. His ego must have been bruised or something, for he relentlessly chased for something out of reach. All he had to do was come to her. But that just sent him in a frenzy of anger, for he was supposed to be the solid strong one. Whatever happened to her holding her man down?
The stagnation was choking her. Holding her captive. Making her think they were toxic for each other. She just wanted to be told she was pretty and loved. What was so hard about that?
In time, to hold her sanity, she stopped carrying so much. She put her efforts to good use cultivating positive relationship with people who actually cared about her feelings. The husband sank further into the pit of darkness. She tried to make him jealous only to find out he backed away from her even more. She made many decisions to run the home, knowing full well he wasn’t going to and only would explode in anger. Why so much hate?
What had she done wrong? Why did he change so much? Why was he attacking her individuality and ability to run the home while he was stagnating in a fictitious nation?
Still she smiled, the world should not know that she was involuntarily sucked into stagnation by a man who had lost his will to lead and live in harmony. Stagnation
Can stagnation be reversed? It’s a complex nation state, but on the next page, a few ideas are entertained.