Why am I writing this post?
Fatigue is real. People get tired from working and tired from being around each other too much. Yes, that is possible. What happens in those moments can make or break a relationship. While I hate the idea, a relational pause never hurts. No, I’m not talking about splitting to clear the air or moving out to sort things out. Not at all. I mean… a truce where both parties stop demanding for a day and do some self-reflection to try and regroup into a non-adversarial mindset.
Without that pause, it can be really tough to gain perspective and do what’s right. Without that pause, it is hard to even acknowledge that the other person in the relationship actually has a valid point.
Fatigue will wear you out and keep your nerves exposed and raw. Fatigue will have you only thinking about yourself and your own survival even at the expense of your partner. Fatigue can weaken and ruin even the best of relationships.
Even the strongest of gentlemen have moments when in fatigue they wish their lady would do wonder woman level sexy things to help them recharge their batteries. Women have that wonderful gift that allows them to sweetly recharge a man’s soul whenever he’s feeling less than optimal. And while that is a gift of the gods, the reality is that a woman also needs her man to be very understanding of her needs. She’s human too. She’s in need to receive from her man love and compassion.
It’s not just love and compassion. It’s understanding, patiences, genuine concern, and care. A real man will put his feelings and needs on hold to ensure his lady is good. He won’t pressure her to do what is not doable for her just for his own gratification. He won’t insist she gives of her soul just so he can release some tension when she’s already running low to start with.
There are times when I struggle with this. I know that I am a gentleman. I know when to put my needs aside and address hers. I know when I’m stressed, she’s stress, and life is stressing us, it is my duty to my lady to help her unwind instead of seeking my personal gratification. But… being all real and vulnerable like… there are times when I get very frustrated with life. Why?
Life can throw a long series of challenges that has you feeling very fatigued with no end in sight. Those are the times when the very little gesture your lady gives goes a long long way to recharge you. However, because she’s also fatigued and dealing with her side of the challenges, you’re now left trying to bite your tongue day in and day out. It starts to hurt. Starts to mess with your head. Tempts you to feel resentment even.
Those moments, it gets very rough. Those moments, temptation grows very high. You start to see others as lucky compared to you. You start to see other good friend’s generosity look like a viable outlet to get some of what you’re looking for, not in the cheating way of doing things, but in the blowing off steam variety. And the temptation looks harmless. You just need to vent about how you’re not getting your needs addressed.
But it is in fact those very moments where you can differentiate yourself from the herd as a real leading man. That is when you can check your needs and not put your friend in an awkward position and not open a door for your wife to entertain the notion of you possibly cheating on her. Women know that it starts with just a conversation that will eventually lead to a straying heart. (granted, not always the case, but why risk finding out your man isn’t that strong…)
The question then is how actually do men and women strike a balance around their needs? While it is true in concept that many can address their own needs, and should probably actually do that… there are some needs that can only be filled by the partner. And this is where negotiations get sticky.