People are very logical in their own eyes. Everyone else is irrational. This makes matters particularly sensitive in long term relationships where love seems to get a pass as individuals get increasingly more edgy in their criticism.
The practices of the two genders are different enough that many things don’t make sense to the other party. When judging or evaluation the rationality of the other in the perspective of one’s gender, things often don’t make logical sense. Throw in cultural and societal expectations, such as wearing heels, and things start to become quite weird fast.
The Man’s View
Practicality is of greater importance. Transactional thinking is highly valued. Let’s get things done. When you peel back the layers of the argument, the man just wanted to get on with the scenic walk because that usually puts his lady in the right mood for later that night. Wink Wink
Now, the heels present a symbolic and practical barrier to his plans for the night. And to make matters worse, that momentary pause, in his mind, does nothing to stop the discomfort that’s already in progress. The quick offer of advise was designed to say that in the future, a brand new pair of unbroken-in shoes is not the ideal way to have a romantic outing. Something already tried and true to be comfy would be easier for the goal of feeling romantic
The Woman’s View
Her comment was sophisticated. It could mean a number of things. For starters, it highlights that there is an actual problem, her feet hurt. The pace of walking was too fast. She was looking for some sensitivity from him so that he can adjust his plans for the evening. In a manner of speaking, the night could have been saved if he cut the walk short, got the car, offered a massage, and then carried on with the night.
The richness of opportunity to connect was totally missed by the guy who didn’t know which way to read her comment. Women can be very transactional, just look at how they kick many butts at work. But they’re also very communal and share things for the purpose of strengthening the bond instead of moving the bond towards a defined goal.
True logical thinking states (biased by the writer’s perspective) the man could have done much better by asking clarifying questions and slowing himself down to match her pace. By being open to listening, he would have learned what other options there were to be more romantic, ease her discomfort, earn brownie points, and save the night.
Just as well, logical thinking states (biased by the writer’s perspective) that the lady could have let slide what looked like attacks, understand them to be his frustration, and given him a more clarifying answer to help him understand what she needed from him.
The Real Issue
What it boils down to really is just how do you handle and deal with your partner. Over time, many people will cut corners insisting their partner treats them nicely while dishing out unfiltered salvos of daggers that the partner has to accept in love.
During the dating early days, the lovebirds would have not spoken so harshly with each other and there would be a lot of allowances made for the occasional slip.
The longer a couple is together, the less tolerance is exhibited, especially when there are no efforts to learn from the incidents and no apologies followed by change in behavior.
After a few dates where walking was involved, and the woman complaining of hurt feet, the gentleman started to experiment with different approaches. One that worked was to bring the flats along for her, so that when they have to walk, she could change. She felt loved and understood. He got to walk at his pace. The evening ended as well. She felt closer to him, he got closer to her.
Another couple facing the same issue handled it differently. Dates where he had plans to walk, he didn’t pair them with events that required heels. He kept them separate. Now, sit down dinners were without complaints of discomfort as she only had to walk from her seat to the valeted car’s door, a short walk. And on good hikes, she had on her sneakers/trainers for comfort.
Another couple opted to skip formal dressing dates entirely and have more adventurous more casual dates that worked beautifully for their interest in discovering the gems hidden around their city.
Another still opted to go upscale with their purchases so that instead of fast fashion, it was durable investment pieces that lasted and were far more comfortable and suited their relationship style better.
let’s start moving towards a logical conclusion of rational proportions on the next page